Canada the 51st State? Perhaps we’ve got that backwards…

My wife and I were planning to go on vacation this summer to Canada, specifically the Waterton Lakes area just across the border from Montana’s Glacier National Park. Mr. Trump has nixed those plans for us (thanks so much Donald) through his efforts to royally piss off our (formerly) Northern friends through his  two ridiculous initiatives of tariffs and proclaiming that Canada should become the 51st state. Americans will learn (relearn?) quickly enough that tariffs rarely benefit either side and generally only serve to raise prices taking money out of American’s purses and wallets instead of putting money in. But, given how little the average American really knows about our neighbors to the North (quick - how many States does Canada have?… If you answered ZERO you’re ahead of the curve. Canada has Provinces and Territories. Quick - how many Provinces does Canada have?…) Mr. Trump’s suggestion that those (formerly) friendly Canucks join the U.S. of A is perhaps just plain, how do you politely say it,,,,, backasswards. 

Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe, just perhaps, Canadians might think we Americans would be better off joining their country instead of vice versa? Imagine it - the U.S. of A as the…….. 11th Province of Canada! While that notion may never have crossed your mind (“America First!”), rest assured it has crossed the minds of Canadians. Back in December a columnist for the Vancouver Sun (yes, Vancouver IS in Canada and not just a suburb of Seattle) Pete McMartin wrote an excellent tongue-in-cheek (slightly) article addressing this very issue. Mr. McMartin laid out in a very Canadian version of not-so-common common sense 16 very good (and some hilarious) reasons why Mr. Trump should be petitioning Canada to let us in. Seriously, you need to read the article (a five minute read) but to give you a sense of what Mr. McMartin offers up I’ll share just one or two of his reasons why we’d be better off ending all of our sentences with “eh?”:

#2: Maple Syrup. Because the only thing in Maple Syrup is… Maple Syrup as opposed to high fructose corn syrup, water, cellulose gum, salt, caramel color, sorbic acid, sodium benzoate, sodium citrate and artificial flavors which Americans call “Pancake Syrup” - although in a pinch it can be used as transmission fluid.

#5: Because as of 2022, life expectancy in  Canada was 81.3 years, while life expectancy in the U.S. was 77.43 years. Scientists believe this discrepancy was due, in large part, to the consumption of pancake syrup.

Not all of Mr. McMartin’s reasons provide comic relief and some hit close to home (did I mention that our northern neighbors are slightly pissed off?). But all give a needed glimpse as to what the rest of the world is thinking about us. And yes, it seems, they are either becoming very afraid of us or are laughing at us. And sometimes both. So read at least this one article from a foreign land not so far away and judge for yourself - Canada as a State, or the U.S. as a Province? 

Of course, neither is going to happen. Far more likely that we’ll steal the canal from the sovereign nation of Panama or just usurp the entire country of Greenland from its citizens. Still, Mr. Trump has seriously pissed off our (former) friends to the north (when was the last time you started to “BOO!” when you heard the words “O Canada! Our home and native land…”). So coming from Colorado I’d feel as safe and welcome north of the border this year as I would visiting Texas or Alabama. But to my wife’s Canadian cousin in the Province of Quebec who is also rethinking her plans to come visit us here in Colorado please know we’d love to have you and perhaps start to re-establish those formerly friendly relations we’ve had since when,,,, the War of 1812?