Turning over a new leaf

In my neck of the woods, actually more like my neck of the prairie that Denver, Colorado really is, its leaf raking season and has been for, oh, the last month and a half. And, at least in my backyard, leaf raking season is still far from over. 

The local T.V. (For those of you who still actually watch such a thing) weather prognosticators had forecast a winter storm to pass through last night and into today with wind and a mix of rain and snow. Instead we woke to sunny skies and dry conditions and nary a breath of wind. The only movement of the leaves outside my window are from the intrepid squirrels going about whatever their business is this time of year. 

What was Einstein’s definition of insanity?

I was counting on the wind to finally (did I mention its been a month and a half?) knock down the final leaves off our trees so that I and my beautiful wife could put the finishing touches on having a leaf-free yard before the serious flakes start to fall. 

Not that anyone’s counting, but I’ve now raked the leaves that have fallen at least four or five times. I’m sure the garbage man that collects our lawn bags full of leaves is wondering if we have a leaf production facility in our backyard and the answer is yes, yes we do and it has been operating in overdrive this very mild late summer/early fall that we have been experiencing this year. 

And still when I gaze upward into the branches of our willow, oak, and ash trees I still see a plentitude of leaves just waiting to tumble down and cover my lawn anew. I grew up in New England where leaves know how to behave. When its time for them to fall, they fall. You rake them up into big piles, the kids run and jump into those piles, you rake them up again, and then you’re done. 

Perhaps I should mention that I don’t just rake my leaves. Ours get special treatment. I mow them, blow them, vacuum them and mulch them before they get bagged. The only thing I don’t do is wash and dry them. Back in the day in New England we’d burn the piles after raking but I’d guess in today’s world that’s now taboo. And here in the West burning of anything, especially in one’s back yard, is a serious no-no. 

A couple of years ago my beautiful wife had the brilliant idea that we should put river rock around our backyard deck as it would make lawn maintenance easier. What she, and yes I, failed to consider come Fall was trying to get the fallen leaves out of said river rocks. Granted it did make LAWN maintenance that much easier as there is less grass to mow, but the work involved in removing the leaf litter from the rocks has me thinking it may be time to invest in a chain saw and eliminating the heart of the problem - trees. When we moved into our humble abode many years ago our backyard was not landscaped unless you consider mud your thing. So we dutifully laid sod, created flower gardens, and planted trees. Small trees. Very small trees. I’ll let you in on a secret - just like kids, trees tend to grow (and grow, and grow) and before we knew what hit us we were in the leaf making business big time. If they taxed my leaf production Prop HH (if you’re not from Colorado, never mind and be glad) wouldn’t have needed to be on the ballot. 

Even the wind hasn’t cooperated this year. Usually if I wait long enough a strong wind will come along and make my leaf problem my neighbor’s leaf problem which in my book means problem solved. Of course if the wind changes direction his problem becomes my problem but at least I have a 50-50 chance which are better odds than you’d get on our beloved Broncos. 

You’d never know that I mowed yesterday

They taunt me. I’m sitting here writing this and I see them, one leaf at a time, slowly fluttering down. I can almost hear the trees laughing at me. You’d never know by looking at my lawn that just yesterday I had mowed them all up in anticipation of the winter storm that was not to be. Just in the time it took you to read this sentence I could fill two or three bags full of leaves. 

I know, I know. Just suck it up, pull out my big-boy rake and get after it. Which I’ve put off long enough while writing this blog. I mean, it’s either that or move to the coast and buy a boat. 

From my house to yours Happy Raking and may the wind always blow towards your neighbor.