I was waking up this morning to a cup of hot tea, warm oatmeal with fresh blueberries, and my local paper. I don’t often read the physical print edition anymore having subscribed to the digital version some years back. But, just like with books, I love the tactile sensation of turning a physical page of a newspaper so when the Denver Post offered a deal giving digital subscribers the print edition of the Sunday Post at no cost I was excited to again lay my hands on some actual newsprint.
I know the Post didn’t make this offer out of the goodness of their corporate heart. This time of year, heading into the Christmas gift-giving season, the savvy minds at the Post knew they had to get the Sunday ad supplement in front of the eyeballs of subscribers and since digital only readers probably skip the ad section entirely this seemed like a good way to do it. Used to be that the ad supplement this time of year was thicker than the actual newspaper and I admit to actually enjoying browsing through the ads seeing what was hot and what was not for the upcoming Yuletide season. Nowadays advertisers have too many other options to divert your attention so even with this latest promotion the ad supplement as well as the newspaper itself remain woefully thin.
Still, amidst the stories about doom and gloom that seem to be what our world is all about these days, one advertiser did successfully catch my eye and no, it wasn’t because of the two attractive and young models who seemed somewhat at odds with the message of the ad. Skechers, which bills itself as “The Comfort Technology Company” shares the tough task, like all shoe companies, of continually coming up with something new so that their CEO’s and CFO’s don’t have to go into their quarterly earnings calls sweating bullets. The ad that caught my eye this morning didn’t so much tell me what their ‘new’ product would do for me as it bragged about what I wouldn’t have to do if I spent my hard-earned money on their newest offering. Like, not bending over. Like, not touching my shoes. Like, no kidding. Now Skechers didn’t invent the slip-on shoe (or as they are marketing it - the “slip-in”) which has been around Like, Forever. But they have brought not having to do anything to do something to a new, and I would argue, lower level. “Putting on your shoes has never been easier. No bending over. No pulling them on. No hassles.” In short - “Effortless Comfort” can be yours for only $75-$90 (yeah, I looked up the price on their website).
I know, I know - there are many among us who on any given morning roll out of bed and wonder how we are going to face another day let alone deal with the aches and pains that make bending over and touching shoes sometimes problematic. But see, here’s the thing. The two attractive and young models didn’t look the type who would have any issue at all in bending over to touch their shoes. In fact they looked fresh out of a Yoga class where contortions like ‘Downward Facing Dog’ and ‘Happy Baby’ feature prominently. In fact, they looked like they were headed for a Lululemon photo shoot and somehow took a wrong turn and ended up hawking footwear products that allow you to “Go Hands Free”.
And what about the fine (and perhaps soon to be lost) art of shoelace tying? How will our kids ever become functional adults if they never learn “Loop, Swoop, and Pull!”? We’ve already lost kids being taught how to write in script and now this? If I wanted to be really snarky I’d say that Skechers is contributing to the ruination of our future leaders but I’ll pass since our current leaders can’t seem to walk and chew gum at the same time which is in itself another long-lost art.
Meanwhile, somewhere back in reality-land my better half and I just returned from back East where we rode our bicycles from Pittsburgh to Washington D.C. along the Great Allegheny Passage and the C&O Canal Towpath. And yes, there was much bending over and touching of shoes. No kidding. It’s trips like this that I hope will allow me to be able to tie my own shoes for many years to come. The video below shares some of our snapshots from the trail. We rode the route with a group of 12 through a company called Wilderness Voyageurs which as far as I know is making no claims other than offering great cycling vacations across the U.S. And our two guides Rachel and Jodie ably guided this group of shoe-tying bender-overs through three States and the District of Columbia.
Oh, and one more thing - did you notice the footwear on the model on the right? What does it feature? Tied Shoelaces!!! Score one for some factory worker somewhere who apparently still knows how to “Loop, Swoop, and Pull”.
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