Aaaahhhh, AI…

Some days I feel like the old fart that I am who’s just trying to get from one day to the next. Occasionally I manage to learn something new. Actually, most days something new creeps into my noggin as every day that I wake on this side of the (soon to be here) daisies is a revelation in itself. But I digress. Yesterday I wrote a blog that entertained the ludicrous notion of the United States becoming the 11th province of Canada which is about as ridiculous an idea as Canada becoming our 51st state. We all know that’s destined to be Puerto Rico and we all know how long they’ve been waiting.

I came to realize the impossibility of the U.S. joining our Canuck neighbors because AI (Artificial Intelligence) told me so. In writing my blog I thought how nice it would be to use AI to generate an image of a poster showing the U.S. of A as a province and… it couldn’t do it. I tried several of the AI Image Generation sites available on the internet and not one could come up with something that wasn’t almost complete gibberish. And trust me, as some readers of this blog insist on telling me, I am a master of gibberish. In my mind’s eye I envisioned something pretty simple and straightforward - take out the boundaries between the two countries, eliminate the lines between the states, and redraw the now eleven provinces southwards to show Canada’s newest pride and joy. AI couldn’t do it. No matter how detailed or simple the instructions (“Generate a poster showing the United States as Canada’s 11th province”) the results were about as ludicrous as the idea itself. 

The first image (shown at the right) shows… I know not what. California seems to still exist but the Gulf of MEXICO appears to extend  a lot farther north than it should. Perhaps it’s now the Gulf of Canada…

I’m not sure what the color scheme means. Gone (phew!) are all those pesky Red and Blue states and it does show off the Red that Canada is famous for but the gradations of browns and tans… if you can figure them out please let me know.

The next iteration basically came up with a map of the U.S. and completely eliminated Canada from the scene, though that Red color still predominates. And for everybody past, in the soon to be decimated U.S. Education system, the 12th grade it is painfully obvious that AI cannot spell. Or maybe, in its hidden brain it’s translating into some foreign language that MY pea brain doesn’t understand. I think that thing in the “Heartland” might be supposed to be the Canadian Maple Leaf but I wouldn’t know for sure as I’m more familiar with the much more spectacular Colorado Aspen. Still, the Gulf of Mexico has returned to where it should be which is nice as it means all those ICE officers won’t have to invest in new warm, wooly mittens.

I’m nothing short of a stubborn ole’ cuss (just ask my wife) so I tried a third time and this (again to the right) is what my artificial alter ego came up with. It’s nice that we have the Canadian flag but most of Canada seems to have drifted off into Hudson’s Bay which means the few remaining polar bears are going to have to accommodate some new neighbors. And again, what’s up with the spelling issue? I could make a joke about how AI was created by software developers who might be stronger candidates for a STEM award in Mathematics than a trophy from the National Spelling Bee but hey, I don’t want to offend anybody, least of all folks who actually understand what an algorithm is (which is not me). 

If you read yesterday’s blog you might recognize that this is one of the images I actually decided to use. The spelling is still suspect but it does hint at extending the provincial lines southward and seems to present the map in more of a world view (Canada first!). That darned California still seems to want to be independent. Colorado and Texas appear to now be conjoined  which we all know is laughable by any stretch of the imagination. Nice touch at the top though by trying to have some semblance of both countries colors. And for those with an incredible eye for detail the image seems to now include the good folks of Greenland as part of the new nation. The 12th province? I can hardly wait to hear the Canadian National Anthem sung with a nice Greenlandish lilt. Eh?

My patience, apparently much like Artificial Intelligence, was starting to wear thin, so I said to myself, “one more…” As they say (whoever ‘they’ is), Hope springs eternal so I clicked the ‘Generate Image’ a final time and lo and behold it came up with the image on the right. I could hardly stop laughing! Given the current state of relations between us and our Canadian neighbors I had to give AI credit for having a sense of humor. Our own elected officials can’t reach across the aisle to shake hands in friendship and Canada’s new Prime Minister is ready to ‘drop the gloves’ and fight back against Mr. Trump’s bullying. The notion of cordial relations across the border had me holding my sides and snorting through my nose. 

Though once I calmed down a tad it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, AI knows more than I gave it credit for…

Canada the 51st State? Perhaps we’ve got that backwards…

My wife and I were planning to go on vacation this summer to Canada, specifically the Waterton Lakes area just across the border from Montana’s Glacier National Park. Mr. Trump has nixed those plans for us (thanks so much Donald) through his efforts to royally piss off our (formerly) Northern friends through his  two ridiculous initiatives of tariffs and proclaiming that Canada should become the 51st state. Americans will learn (relearn?) quickly enough that tariffs rarely benefit either side and generally only serve to raise prices taking money out of American’s purses and wallets instead of putting money in. But, given how little the average American really knows about our neighbors to the North (quick - how many States does Canada have?… If you answered ZERO you’re ahead of the curve. Canada has Provinces and Territories. Quick - how many Provinces does Canada have?…) Mr. Trump’s suggestion that those (formerly) friendly Canucks join the U.S. of A is perhaps just plain, how do you politely say it,,,,, backasswards. 

Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe, just perhaps, Canadians might think we Americans would be better off joining their country instead of vice versa? Imagine it - the U.S. of A as the…….. 11th Province of Canada! While that notion may never have crossed your mind (“America First!”), rest assured it has crossed the minds of Canadians. Back in December a columnist for the Vancouver Sun (yes, Vancouver IS in Canada and not just a suburb of Seattle) Pete McMartin wrote an excellent tongue-in-cheek (slightly) article addressing this very issue. Mr. McMartin laid out in a very Canadian version of not-so-common common sense 16 very good (and some hilarious) reasons why Mr. Trump should be petitioning Canada to let us in. Seriously, you need to read the article (a five minute read) but to give you a sense of what Mr. McMartin offers up I’ll share just one or two of his reasons why we’d be better off ending all of our sentences with “eh?”:

#2: Maple Syrup. Because the only thing in Maple Syrup is… Maple Syrup as opposed to high fructose corn syrup, water, cellulose gum, salt, caramel color, sorbic acid, sodium benzoate, sodium citrate and artificial flavors which Americans call “Pancake Syrup” - although in a pinch it can be used as transmission fluid.

#5: Because as of 2022, life expectancy in  Canada was 81.3 years, while life expectancy in the U.S. was 77.43 years. Scientists believe this discrepancy was due, in large part, to the consumption of pancake syrup.

Not all of Mr. McMartin’s reasons provide comic relief and some hit close to home (did I mention that our northern neighbors are slightly pissed off?). But all give a needed glimpse as to what the rest of the world is thinking about us. And yes, it seems, they are either becoming very afraid of us or are laughing at us. And sometimes both. So read at least this one article from a foreign land not so far away and judge for yourself - Canada as a State, or the U.S. as a Province? 

Of course, neither is going to happen. Far more likely that we’ll steal the canal from the sovereign nation of Panama or just usurp the entire country of Greenland from its citizens. Still, Mr. Trump has seriously pissed off our (former) friends to the north (when was the last time you started to “BOO!” when you heard the words “O Canada! Our home and native land…”). So coming from Colorado I’d feel as safe and welcome north of the border this year as I would visiting Texas or Alabama. But to my wife’s Canadian cousin in the Province of Quebec who is also rethinking her plans to come visit us here in Colorado please know we’d love to have you and perhaps start to re-establish those formerly friendly relations we’ve had since when,,,, the War of 1812?

Just a Happy post...

My love affair with the high mountain town of Leadville, Colorado goes back to the early 1970's after my family moved to the State. Back then Leadville was a small mining town struggling to survive. Still, for those who looked, you could catch glimpses of its more illustrious past. Founded in 1877 during the Colorado Silver Boom, Leadville was once one of the wealthiest cities in the United States. Today, Leadville is a tourist destination that still maintains its own individuality, uniqueness, and charm all at an elevation of 10,000 feet above sea level. What's not to love?

Back in 1949 two locals were trying to come up with something new for the town's winter festivities. They visited the winter carnival at Steamboat Springs where they saw horses pulling skiers, apparently at a pace that was a little too sedate for the two from Leadville. Coming home they decided

to give it a try, Leadville style, which meant racing the horse and skier at breakneck speeds down Harrison Avenue. I can only imagine what that first attempt must have looked like to the spectators along Leadville's main thoroughfare but I can attest to the thousands of people who turned out to watch this year's incarnation under bright sunny skies and temps more akin to spring than winter. For those who have never attended a Leadville Skijoring event here's a short video to get you acquainted. So saddle up your bronco, dust off your cowboy hat and polish up them spurs, and perhaps next year you can test your mettle along with the brave lads and lasses who put butts to saddle and boots to skis in this High Country adventure!