Apart from generating buzz for the radio station it did get me to thinking that there sure is a lot about the Christmas holiday to get offended by if one is so inclined. In my spare time I play the guitar and this time of year love to play Christmas tunes where only my two pups can hear. They've been known to howl along when the mood strikes but I don't take it personal. Anyway, as I've been playing these songs some of the lyrics have struck me to be a little suspect so here is a tongue-in-cheek review of some of the more outrageous. Feel free to be offended or just sing along...
Away in a Manger...
The whole concept of forcing women to give birth in a manger, no crib for a bed, is just as wrong today as it was two thousand years ago.
Good King Wenceslas...
The good King seems like a decent enough fellow. Still, dragging his page about in such horrendous weather takes involuntary servitude to a whole new level.
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer...
There's a couple of songs involving Reindeer that probably have the PETA folks anguishing but I think this particular song give our cloven-hoofed friends a bad rap. I mean, supposedly Gram was simply walking home on Christmas Eve when she was run over, but there were no witnesses, and as of yet no incriminating video has surfaced, and as for "hoof prints on her forehead" that sounds pretty circumstantial to me. Could have been elk for all we really know.
Jingle Bells...
Another case of animal abuse. What horse, in its right mind, wants to pull a sleigh dashing through the snow while the passengers are laughing all the way? Is the horse laughing? I don't think so...
Frosty the Snowman...
Frosty ends up a puddle on the floor; 'nuff said.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer...
Ok, what's with Rudolph? Who would name a reindeer Rudolph? A name like that is almost enough to justify running down grandma. And the red nose - has Rudy been out drinking? No wonder they won't let him play in any reindeer games. I'm writing a check to PETA as we speak.
Santa Claus is coming to Town...
So this old guy with a big belly and a white beard knows if I've been naughty or nice? Sounds like Google. I don't remember signing off on the privacy policy on any Santa app. Just how much of my personal information does this guy have? Maybe I'll sit down right now and write 'ole Santa a letter and complain. That way I'll kill two birds with one stone as I really would like him to bring me an Alexa for Christmas.
The Twelve Days of Christmas...
Speaking of killing two birds, are you as tired of those six geese a laying and seven swans a swimming as I am? And since I've already got two canine singers accompanying me whenever I play this interminably long song I sure don't need eleven (ELEVEN for goodness sakes!) Pipers piping. And if those ten lords don't stop leaping about scratching the furniture and knocking over the Christmas tree I'm going to make them eat a turtle dove, partridge in a pear tree, and French hen pie.
I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus..
Well, I gotta admit, the jolly old elf does get around but what's with Mema? I guess Santa really does know who's been naughty or nice.
The Little Drummer Boy...
Ok, not so much as I'm offended by this song but if you know a good drummer (or a bad one for that matter) who wants to accompany this guitar strumming fool and his two dogs just send your resume to Candy Cane Lane.
Well, enough of this nonsense, you get the idea. So have yourself a Holly, Jolly Christmas as you listen to those Siver Bells and keep them bobtails ringing. Me? I'm going to let it snow, let it snow, let it snow and have a Silent Night.
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| Singing is hard work... time for a break |
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